Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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