What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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