I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
