It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
