i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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