it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
