And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
