just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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