Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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