Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
