I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
