My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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