Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
