I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
