what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
