My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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