That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
