Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
it glows. i had to have it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
