My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
