To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
