Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
