we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
