All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
