You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
