As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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