my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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