I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
