Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
