if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
