too bad you live with your parents still
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
