I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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