It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
