on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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