you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Randomize
