I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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