and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Already got asked if we're dating
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Be still, my beating vagina.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
