I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
