I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Panties = found
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
