Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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