after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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