remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
