I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
