i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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