Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
