This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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