Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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