ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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