Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
