he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
