Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
