Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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