For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
